Bigger, Faster, Stronger
“Feel the rhythm. Feel the rhyme. Get on up. It’s bobsled time. Cool Runnings!”
That quote comes from one of my favorite movies from when I was growing up and still to this day, Cool Runnings.
For those of you who don’t know the movie or have forgotten the story line, here’s the basic plot. Jamaica puts together a bobsled team, and they compete in the Winter Olympics. I mention this movie reference for the sole purpose of leading into the point of this column, the Winter Olympics kick off tomorrow night from Torino, Italy.
What is there to expect from Torino?
Leading the way, of course, is big mouth Bode Miller, who’s been headlining the news with controversial interviews, saying he’s skied before under the influence, as well as accusing Lance Armstrong of taking illegal substances. For someone who’s never won a gold medal, he sure does enjoy the spotlight and making a name for himself. But come next week, Miller will have a chance to back up all of the talk he’s been doing for the past few months. Someone should check to see if he needs a cocktail to calm his nerves.
We will all also have the chance to see Michelle Kwan go after the elusive gold that has escaped her grasp for so long. I will admit that I’m rooting for Kwan, but I will also say that the way she got her spot on the Olympic team is pretty shady. I understand that she’s been the greatest American figure skater in the past decade, but if she’s not well-enough to skate at the trials, what makes everyone think she’s going to be ready two to three weeks later?
And what about the girl that didn’t make the team because Kwan was given a spot? How must she feel? “Yeah, I’ve worked my entire life for this, but I’m getting the shaft because my name isn’t Kwan.” I hope Kwan does well, because if she doesn’t, she’s going to have some explaining to do, especially to one Emily Hughes.
What events are even in the Winter Olympics?
When I think of the events in the Olympics, I think back to a Jerry Seinfeld stand-up CD I’ve had since I was in junior high, in which he discusses some of the particular events in the games. For example, concerning the luge, Seinfeld says, “My favorite event is the luge. It’s on the bobsled run, but it’s not even a sled. It’s just Bob. It’s a human being hanging on for dear life. That’s the whole sport.”
Seinfeld also discusses the biathlon.
“A lot of the events in the Olympics don’t make sense to me. Like the biathlon, that combines cross country skiing with shooting a gun. How many alpine snipers are in to this? To me, it’s like combining swimming and strangling a guy. That makes just as much sense to me.”
I will say this for competitors in the biathlon: I have a hard enough time staying upright when I’m skiing, and these guys are doing it while shooting a gun. Touché.
But the Olympics also include favorites like snowboarding, freestyle skiing, hockey, speed skating, and everyone’s favorite, curling.
So, with the Super Bowl over, and March Madness almost two months away, let’s pull out our miniature USA flags and wave them proudly as our nation’s finest take on the world and the Jamaican bobsled team.