Aaron Hummel
Jonathan Dunn’s article, “Defending casual sex,” which appeared in last week’s Collegian, represents a gross misunderstanding of the purpose and value of sex.
There is no such thing as “casual sex” because there are no two people who could be consistent “sex buddies” without developing a serious emotional attachment to one another.
What Dunn really means is sex before the commitment of marriage, and he is wrong on all counts about it.
Although faith and religion should dictate the decision of whether to have premarital sex, Dunn clearly does not believe they are relevant to his life, so let’s prove him wrong on his own terms. His logic is insufficient outside the context of faith or religion as well.
First, consider the destructive mindset Dunn’s attitude generates toward other people. His philosophy would have us using each other as sex toys for our own personal enjoyment without any promise of real affection in return.
Do you want to be used and then discarded?
If you really want people to treat you like an interesting attraction, a free ride at the Hillsdale County Fair, a sex toy to be used and dumped, then go ahead and treat others like objects. Desire people exclusively on their physical merits and see how long it takes before there’s not a person in your life who really, genuinely cares about you and is concerned for your well-being. It won’t take long. But don’t complain, you earned it.
Objectifying others, desiring their bodies alone, is disrespectful to them, to yourself, to your future spouse and to future generations. This selfish and indefensible view of sex and its perversion of love holds no benefit or promise for society.
Dunn’s article also contains a serious contradiction. He begins by suggesting that sex is not a formal expression of intimacy and that it can be shared with virtually anyone. Sex is “recreation” he writes, saying it can be just for fun with no accompanying consequences or responsibilities.
Shortly thereafter, however, he adds, “Monogamous casual sex can have nearly the same level of safety as monogamous sex within marriage.”
Monogamous casual sex?
If sex is only a fun thing to be shared with others why would monogamy be important? You don’t go to parties with only one person your entire life. You have many companions because you want to share the fun with everyone. This logic applies to sex as well: If it’s only for fun, let’s get everybody involved.
Dunn claims he is not talking about adulterous sex—but a relationship that has as little commitment and genuine interest in the other person as the term “sex buddy” suggests is as unstable and short-lived as the casual acquaintances we meet and leave on a weekly basis. As soon as one “sex buddy” is lost and another is acquired, the second relationship becomes adulterous.
The danger in this is obvious: Cultivate a habit of infidelity and soon that is all you know. You will find yourself unable to remain faithful, even if that’s what you want to be. Commitment is no accident; it takes a lot of work.
There is only one perfect gift you will ever have the opportunity to give away and you can only give it away once: Your virginity. Give it away prematurely, and it’s gone forever.
But if you do choose to guard your purity until a person has given you the trust and commitment of marriage, your spouse will someday have the highest honor when he or she hears you say, “I waited for you because you are worth it.”
The reward is well worth the wait.
Hummel is a Hillsdale College junior majoring in biology.