Kissing.
That's right—we're going to talk about it. So strap yourself in for a column's worth of unmentionable, awkward, enlightening, terrifying fun.
Sure we're in college—but let's admit it: the appropriateness of kissing-possible situations is not clear cut. The dating advice from the latest Cosmopolitan doesn't exactly apply to our typical Hillsdalian, a person who upholds at least a moderate amount of conservative values and integrity.
If we looked to the dating etiquette of surrounding universities, we would find a free-for-all of rule-less, animal-like mayhem. And likewise, the messages thrown at us from movies, TV, and music culture approve of sleeping around at the same rate of impulse as buying gum.
So here we are—the majority of us looking to neither of these places for social standards.
Our subject today is for the young or more inexperienced romantic: first dates in all their glory—namely, the possibility of an end of the night kiss or hug, while what-exactly-to-do remains dangerously ambiguous—ah, let the fun begin.
Let's first rule out to whom this analysis doesn't pertain:
1. Those who are saving their lips for marriage. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this—if anything it's a very noble pursuit, and God bless you, because all the pressures of awkward pre-marriage situations have vanished! Poof!
2. On the other end of the spectrum, those who tend to get err…a bit plastered on the weekends and find themselves attempting to remember who or how many people they kissed the night before, not to mention the location of their left shoe and the translation of the marker drawing on their arm and forehead—no, I'm afraid there will need to be a different article for you.
3. And finally, experienced persons who have been dating exclusively for some time, say a month or two or more—we'll just assume that you no longer struggle with these getting-to-know someone quandaries—and if you do? Well, you've got other worries.
Down to business—the date scenario: after a lovely evening at dinner or a concert or with friends, you and your date are heading home—laughing, chatting, singing along with your favorite Credence Clearwater Revival song. Nevertheless, the thought is inevitable at best: the goodnight kiss (darkening orchestral music in the background).
Some myths to extinguish:
Guys: You must give the girl a goodnight kiss. It is expected, understood—men for generations and generations have performed this ritual—you are capable and good-looking and tonight you danced like an outright fiend, you must complete this mission—affirm your manhood!
No—push those crazy voices away. If you don't feel comfortable, don't want to, or don't feel sure, then don't feel guilty about a polite hug. Absolutely nothing is wrong with this.
Girls: He's taken you out, paid for dinner, tripped over his feet because you insisted that he “attempt swing-dancing,” and eagerly opened every door you've encountered in the last four hours—you owe him a kiss.
Again, not the case. Yes, he's a gentleman, but there's no sense of wonderful attached to a dreaded, misleading, or reluctant kiss. If the case demands, just do the honest thing: initiate the hug and give him a break, eliminating any obligation-smooching.
Next important point: get out of the car. Let me say it again—just get out of the car. Whether you're planning on a firm handshake, a 5-minute hug, a passionate lip-lock, or an energetic high five, do it outside the car.
If you refuse to leave the car (foreboding orchestral music once again), you have now invited a host of difficulties into the evening's closure.
First, you can't comfortably face each other—unless you're malleable or petite enough to actually shift in your seat. Hugging in the car is something likened to the pose assumed on a wrestler's mat—torsos reaching, face-into-shoulder squeezing, uneasy where-does-my-arm-go questioning…the whole bit.
Secondly, there are a quadrillion obstacles: seat belts, cup holders, loose CD's, stick shifts, steering wheels, rear-view mirrors, arm-rests—it's like a war-zone, and if you somehow reach one another, your reward comes in the form of terrible neck cramps and possible honked horns.
A word of advice for those who are headed for their first glorious, bumbling kiss: don't go after this kiss like you're in the Olympic trials—words such as “eager” or “vigorous” or “constricted airway” should not be entering your date's mind.
Finally, enjoy your awkward moments—new dates and budding romances are supposed to be a little unclear and exciting—and with Spring upon us, love is in the air…